I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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