Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
