you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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