margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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