I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
