did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'