Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We need to rekindle our bromance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.