You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation