I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
