Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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