apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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