I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
