I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
