During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
