She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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