.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
