We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
