Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
