it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
