i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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