you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
