I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
