you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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