ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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