I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
