Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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