Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
