New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
