He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
