i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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