guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to stop coming to work sober
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
