What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
