shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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