Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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