So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
