i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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