hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
