Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
