Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
