his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
