I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
