So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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