so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
