Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize