everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
