areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
