I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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