Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
