Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
