Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
