Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
