You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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