My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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