Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
