We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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