He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
