fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
