Someone shit on the floor
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize