Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
