Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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