Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
