No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
