I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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