Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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