i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
